The internet doesn’t know me well at all.

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I have come to realize that my different internet accounts don’t know me very well, at all. You would think that since I have no life and spend most of my time online that they would have a decent understanding of my likes and dislikes. Maybe not, but they shouldn’t recommend shit for me that either freaks me out or just makes my head hurt in confusion. It’s just not nice.

I’m going to share the weird and stupid recommendations a few sites gave me today. Basically, I didn’t want to be the only one to suffer.

Yahoo Answers (my addiction):

Recommended the following question:

“Should I drink my husband’s urine??, he keeps asking me about it!?”

“My husband has been in a kinky mood the last couple of weeks and he has repeatedly asked me if I would like to "drink his urine", first I was like -hell no, but he's serious about this (he has asked for it more times than he did to get me to do anal) and I've heard that it's a pretty common sexual activity among couples, so I'm kinda confused.”

Um, what? I literally had to inflict more confusion and re-read the question a few times before I allowed my brain to believe what I just read. Who exactly is this common for? Where the hell is she getting her information? I know it’s not normal in my house! I’m far from a prude but there’s no way in hell I would drink my husband’s urine and if he ever asked me I would seriously be freaked out. I would probably take him to a neurologist and be all like, “You need to scan his head. He must think I’m a walking urinal because he asked me to drink his piss. So like, fix him!”

Then she added this little gem of a line:

“I love my husband but I hate the thought of being his garbage can!”

Ok, this should basically answer her own question but is she also trying to tell us that her husband pees in their garbage can instead of a toilet? I mean, if not then wouldn’t that make her his toilet and not a garbage receptacle?

And why the hell does Yahoo answers think I have the answer to this question? When did they get the impression that I’m the one to come to about weird pee fetishes and freaky bedroom/bathroom activities? It’s freighting really.

Youtube:

Recommended me this video (it wouldn’t let me embed it):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TR2h7igF4g&feature=rec-HM-r2


I guess Youtube thinks I speak whatever the hell language this song is in. My husband says he thinks it’s German which just makes me think Germans have weird taste in music. I have no freaking clue what they’re saying but I think it’s basically about drunk women getting all excited about giant green gorillas that can’t dance and somehow squished green bananas come into it. This is what’s popular in Germany. Apparently.

When I hit the little translate link, it told me the name of the song is "Give the monkey sugar."

So if you ever take a trip to Germany, make sure you dress up like a green gorilla so you’ll blend in and people will think you’re one of them.

Actually, if you did that you’ll probably be arrested but ya know, you would be all German like. I guess.

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On a completely un-related note, has anyone noticed that those little Ipod ear bud things are magnetic? Like they repel each other but will totally stick to my fridge. Maybe that has something to do with why I’m so weird. I think I’ll write Apple a letter saying they have caused my brain to malfunction and I want a gazillion dollars in damages. I should get an immediate response and a check in the mail by Monday.

PS. I somehow ended up being the 4th comment on The Bloggess post today about all the ways Twitter pisses her off! It was awesome! I was all excited since I’m usually closer to the bottom of the list, but it may show just how much time I really spend on the computer and it may be a chronic addiction.

Oh well. Sometimes you just have to celebrate the small things.

3 comments:

Bala Salgada said...
May 14, 2009 at 3:15 AM

I believe the Internet doesn't know us at all, but the urine thing was hilarious!

Maybe the same person who read that clicked in the thing they recommend, like in Amazon when I search for Madonna and the other pop princess come up.

Pippichino said...
May 16, 2009 at 9:44 AM

Okay, I happen to know a bit about Germany, because I live there/here but I still find much of it to be inexplicable and untranslatable (Metro-sexual mullets and men's capri-cut bluejeans, just as examples).

As for the video you were recommended, I can't tell you anything about it because I got the "This video is not available in your country"-message when I tried to watch it. In Germany. - I get that from YouTube a lot. I suspect the Tubes hate me.

Anonymous said...
January 3, 2012 at 6:03 AM

i am a 30 year-old woman, and drinking each other's pee is very common in my circle of friends. of course, i am african-american.

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