Moronic Monday – Did he steal a donut too? (Hubby as guest writer!)

*My hubby decided he wanted to have some fun and write his own MM post. Which was helpful since my brain decided not to function tonight and basically boycotted the entire post. Bitch. So he’s my guest writer for the day! Enjoy!*

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In yet another shocking incident where people prove that there are new lows that have yet to be explored on Moronic Monday – a man steals from cops…in the police station.

An Ohio man and his girlfriend were brought into the station for a disorderly conduct charge, but were released and free to go. The man had to make a phone call, where he then proceeded to think it’s a good idea to go ahead and start taking things from around him, such as used drug syringes, candy bars and a hat. He left the donuts alone, knowing that it was entirely possible that he would be water boarded and sent to “the hole,” with a mysterious guy named Bruno that would teach him a thing or two about donuts.

So this begs the question – how could anyone possibly think it’s a good idea to steal from cops? I mean, you magically gain a hat and some miscellaneous things in your pockets…any cop is going to pat you down and find it, especially since you just got released from another charge! Does he have some blood disease fetish too? Is that a fetish that people have? Oh baby…yeah, shoot me up with that needle…I want AIDS!

And of all things to steal from the cops…why a couple candy bars? Why a hat? Seriously, a couple used syringes? What the hell was he trying to accomplish? If you’re going to steal from the cops, at least go a little video game style and get a night stick or tazer, or something cool. Used syringes are just sleazy. Stealing candy bars just says, “desperate fat kid.” And the hat…well depends on the hat. If it’s a cool one like a Red Sox hat, then ok, I can see it. If it’s some beaten NASCAR thing that’s been down a port-o-potty and fished out by some redneck…umm…there’s problems. With the track record this guy has going, I’m guessing it’s more towards the “potty hat.”

He actually got caught because of the hat. Not because it stank, but because he was wearing it underneath his own hat, and a part of the police department’s logo was showing. Nobody believed his explanation that he was an honorary police officer. The whole disorderly conduct thing kinda ruined that.

So after initially being released for disorderly conduct and free to leave, this douche from Ohio was booked and locked up for theft. He must not have had enough and wanted to stick around for some more fun. Either that or quality time with Bruno.

-“The Hubby”

Moronic Monday – Is that a lizard in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

The answer to that question is, “actually, it’s a gecko. And a skink.” I don’t even know what a skink is but that’s beside the point. A German tourist was attempting to leave New Zealand when he attracted the attention of the airport security which led to a body search. I’m not really sure of the exact reason they searched him but I assume he must have had a pretty peculiar look on his face.

During the search the officers found a small package. Inside the box were 23 geckos and 20 skinks. In his underwear. Why? Just, why? Who in their right mind puts any kind of animal in their pants let alone their underwear so it’s just hanging out with your man/woman parts? I didn’t just make you a she-male, I promise. Just trying to include everyone. I’m nice like that. Anyway, I guess he happened to have a reject in his group because they also found a single gecko living in a rolled up sock packed into the man’s luggage. Maybe he was on little lizard timeout.





Apparently the entire point to this madness was to sell these little creatures on the black market. Um, I didn’t even think there would be a demand for them. Then again I’m not exactly a black market kind of person so, whatever. In the UK these things actually go for a large amount of money although I’m lost on why. For the 24 geckos the man had in his manly areas he could get close to $36,000. For geckos. Seriously!? As for the skinks, no one knows what they would go for since the ‘experts’ didn’t even know they were being traded on the black market until this guy was found. Basically, they learned something from the man with lizards in his tighty whities. Awesome.

He was an organized freak criminal though, as he made sure to separate the species into different compartments in the lizard box. I guess if you’re going to commit to transporting creatures in your underwear, you might as well go all the way. It won’t help him when it comes to trial though since not only was he trading these creatures and transporting them out of the country but he also basically kidnapped them from the wild. That’s usually frowned upon.

Just imagine what the Geico gecko would think.

Moronic Monday – Some people shouldn’t be allowed in Home Depot. Or near cars. Or really anywhere besides a padded room.

The people in this story are so stupid that I think it just might hit a new level for our little Moronic Monday posts. Which is saying something if you’ve seen the previous entries.

Not everyone who walks into Home Depot or similar stores knows what they’re doing and that's fine. Hell, I walk in there a lot lately since buying the house and I’ve only ever touched a hammer when handing it to someone else. Tools are not my thing. Neither is wood. Or little pieces of hardware. Or anything electrical. Basically I go there to follow the hubby around while he attempts to tell me what we’re buying and trying to keep me out of the Christmas section. However, I accept my lack of knowledge about building and fixing things and just walk around aimlessly until it’s time to leave. This guy though, he jumped in head first and then fucked everything up. Including his car.

How bad do you think something needs to be for Home Depot to require you to sign a waiver before allowing you to take your purchased items? Apparently, the answer is pictured below.





Yup. This is an actual photo. It was taken in an IHOP parking lot by a man working for a lumber company who spotted it while driving by. He pulled over and bought a disposable camera just to capture the stupidity. Probably because he didn’t think anyone would believe him without proof. Then he called the Police which must have been an interesting 911 tape to listen to. How do you even explain such a thing and get the other person to believe the story? I would have hung up. It’s probably a good thing I’m not a 911 operator.

Turns out, along with the tons of plywood are a bunch of 2x4s right below all held down with some twine. As if that wasn’t enough, the entire backseat is filled with 10 bags of concrete weighing in at 80 pounds each! When police arrived they found the man crouched behind his car trying to cut the twine to remove the load. All together the materials weighed in at over 3,000 pounds which caused the back tires to explode, the wheels to bend and the back shocks to be driven through the floorboard. Yet the car was still running (see the exhaust?) as if the guy really expected to simply drive away.

The topping on the cake though, was when the guy admitted he planned to drive from Florida to Clanton, Alabama with his girlfriend and this entire pile of wood and concrete. Why?

To build a house.

Just think, this man is sitting somewhere right now with access to a car and power tools. Frightening.

You ask, I answer. Plus a brand new blog layout!

(The Moronic Monday post for this week has been skipped since I’ve spent the last few days hunting for and fighting with new layouts. The new one is up and running smoothly so far, so I’m back on. Let me know what you think! Please comment or email if you notice any issues/bugs. MM will be back on December 7th.)

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Since many of you have sent me questions in comments and emails, I’ve decided to answer right here. I love reading your questions and I’m more than happy to answer so keep them coming! Either leave them in a comment or send me an email and I’ll keep adding onto this list. Whatever you want to know, just ask!

Here are seven (7) questions I’ve been asked that I can remember off the top of my head right now.

1. How/where do you find the crazy, weird, strange things/people you post about?
I get this a lot. Pretty much anywhere. They sort of just happen. Sometimes it’s something I stumble across reading online or heard about and went looking for the information to write a blog. I’ll post about pretty much anything so it makes for a large supply. Plus, with the number of just plain stupid/weird people in this world it makes my Moronic Monday posts really easy. I actually have issues picking one story out of several quite often.

2. Is that really you in your profile picture?
Nope. It’s just a picture I found online. I keep this blog pretty anonymous. It’s part of the fun for me. I write about my real life plenty but I keep names, pictures and general identities a secret.

3. Are the conversations you post between you and your hubby actually real?
Yes. We really are this weird. We have the most random conversations pretty much every single day. It keeps things fresh.

4. What do you really think about Twilight the movie/books, not Twilight the dildo?
How can I not answer this one? I hate Twilight and everything related to it. Books, movies, posters, dolls, calendars, whatever. I don’t get the love of vampires thing at all. Plus I think the Rob Pattinson dude looks like he needs a shower, a brush and a lot of sleep so I really don’t get why people think he’s ‘hot’.

The dildo, I think is weird and creepy but the post about it is probably my favorite.

5. Why did you start Moronic Mondays?
I get different variations of this one a lot. I wanted something all of you and I could expect on a regular basis besides the random posts about whatever pops in my head. I love the randomness of this blog but I also like some structure so I kind of have the best of both worlds. Except when I’m a horrible blogger and don’t post every Monday, sort of like this week.

6. Do you have a Facebook or Twitter page?
I don’t actually, at least not ones for this blog. I’m thinking about making a Twitter account though so whoever wants to can follow me there and be instantly updated whenever a new post goes up, plus random things that won’t be in posts on here. I’m still deciding but if I do you’ll see a link to follow me in the same section as the email and subscribe icons which can be found on the right side below the search bar.

7. What state are you from?
I forgot I didn’t put this in my profile before I got this question. I think I mentioned it in a post once or twice though. I live in Rhode Island. Yes, the smallest state in the country. And yes we’re a real state for those out there who assume we’re part of Massachusetts or New York. We’re Rhode Island, not Long Island.


That’s all I can remember right now, so if you don’t see your question answered here send it in and I’ll keep answering. From now on I’ll keep track of them so I don’t miss any.

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With the new layout come some new features!

A pink bar is located at the top below the header that contains Home and About buttons to make things a little easier to navigate. There is also a Comment RSS button for anyone that would like to be updated whenever a new comment is posted.

On the right hand side below the search bar are my new Email and Subscribe buttons. I hope their new location and design make it super easy to use for everyone.

At the bottom of each post are three ‘reaction’ boxes you can check off to express what you thought about the post above. Right now they’re labeled as Funny, Interesting, and Weird. Simply click the box you agree with and it will be counted. It’s anonymous so I have no idea who picks what. Feel free to use them. Don’t forget to comment though!

A new link will be added to the pink bar below the header directly linked to these questions and any others that will be added. Hopefully it will make it simpler for people to get to know me a little more.

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I hope you enjoy the new layout! Please let me know if you find anything not working as it’s still so new. Don’t forget to send in your questions!

PS. Hubby is now miffed that I forgot to give him credit for helping with the new layouts. Actually, he did pretty much all of it. I just sat there and said change this or move that. So thank you hunny!