I ended up with a sunburn and almost threw up for my birthday and it was awesome!

My birthday has come and gone but it was a great one. It actually was celebrated over two days which honestly is the best way to do it. Saturday was a family celebration that they went all out for and surprised me with. From signs around the neighborhood wishing me a happy birthday to banners and streamers and even a piñata just for kicks. It was crazy and fun all at the same time. I felt like a little kid again which is a fun gift in itself. My family is pretty awesome that way. Sunday was the trip to Six Flags and I’m so glad we went. A whole bunch of weird and funny things happened and I almost puked but it was fun and I can’t wait to go back.

To start, we woke up early to a rain storm which made us all nervous. Thankfully it cleared up well before we made it to the park. We were one of the first people there so parking was a breeze. We rode on the tram to take us up the hill to the entrance when we learned the tram driver hates his job. He shared so we just nodded and listened. I would hate his job too so I can’t blame him. Then we hiked up the steps and over the bridge to the main gate. We got in line right near the front and waited the 25 minutes until they opened. Next thing we knew two gates away from us were opened and allowing people in. Then the handicap/stroller gate opened but not the one we were in front of or the one next to us. A guy in front got a ticket takers attention and asked if the gate was being opened. She said no and that we had to go to the back of the long ass line. That was NOT happening. There was no way we were going to get in a never-ending line behind people who just pulled up. We stepped over into the handicap/stroller line along with everyone else and waited. Someone nearby said “they better not say we can’t go in this gate,” and the guy in front of us loudly said, “Oh! They’re letting ME in!” Once he said that though we got our way and they opened the original gate we were waiting for. It was really silly. Once in the park we rented a locker and then waited behind a red rope as an overly perky woman narrated a character dance show before they “officially” opened. I’m not a morning person and hate crazy perky morning people, but I had my caffeine for the day so I didn’t feel the urge to kill her. Maybe smack her but not commit murder.

After the mess of getting in was over we jumped in the first line and raced around a wooden rollercoaster built in the 40s. It makes you feel like you might die but that’s part of the fun! Next we hit the big coaster of the park and it’s almost straight drop. As always, it was awesome! I could ride that all damn day. A while later we made a bathroom stop and I had a surprise waiting for me in my stall. Apparently some woman decided wearing a bra to the park is just silly, as she left it on top of the toilet paper dispenser. I couldn’t believe it. If I had a camera on me I would have snapped a picture just to prove it to you. I also learned in this same bathroom that Six Flags must use all their water for the water rides because they only give you about point 5 second burst of water at a time to wash your hands. So you stand there like an idiot trying to get it to give you a few more drops to actually get the soap off. Then getting paper towel is like a weird “wax on – wax off” reenactment because it gives you a square the size of a CD case and you have to keep waving at the box to get more. No wonder men just wipe their hands on their pants!

I guess the rain scared away a lot of people because the lines were really short especially for middle of summer. We never waited more then 20 minutes for a ride and usually it was much less then that. We made fun of the flash pass people because they wasted money when it really wasn’t needed. Did you know those things cost $30.00 per person for the day?! Its nuts! I rather just wait. You can count it as family or friend bonding time as you try to entertain each other. You also have to pay $3.50 for a bottle of water if you want to avoid passing out from heat stroke. Some people can skip this all day but I’m not one of them. I dehydrate like it’s a fashion statement so I have to basically inhale water like it’s going out of style. This backfired on me at one point when I drank too much water too fast and then got on a ride that spun you in circles really fast as it swung you through the air. Yeah, it wasn’t my brightest moment. I got off the ride ready to throw up and never wanting to go near that ride again. I never ever get sick on rides so I knew it had to be because of the water. It took a while to recover so I had to sit down like an old lady and wait for the urge to go all exorcist chick on everyone went away. It was good times.

At one point we were next in line for a ride and watched as a particularly large woman was kicked off the ride for being too big. The ride attendant person was as nice as she could be about it but I still felt so bad. She had to feel humiliated in front of all those people but that was nothing compared to what the guy she was with did. I think it was her boyfriend but if not it was at least a friend she was there with. As she was walking away he sat there laughing his ass off with the other friends about her being kicked off. We could hear him and he was a few rows down! It was horrible. Still thinking he was her boyfriend I couldn’t help turn to our group and say, “well, we know he’s not getting laid tonight.” I still feel bad for the poor woman and I hope she let him have it once he was done with his ride. Asshole. We also found out the people that work at Six Flags don’t know a thing about what goes on in Six Flags. They don’t know their own show schedule and have no idea why the rides they run are randomly shut down for a bit. It’s not very reassuring at all if you think about it for more then 3 seconds so I recommend you don’t.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful until we left. About 15 minutes after we left the park we literally drove into a wall of rain. One second it was dry and sunny and the next we were in the middle of a monsoon. Everyone had to drive at about 5 MPH and pretend you could see where you were going. Then just as fast as it began, it stopped. I looked up and the most amazing rainbow I have ever seen appeared. It was bright and each color was easily distinguished as it was in full arch across the sky. We tried to get pictures but it wouldn’t show up on the camera. It was truly beautiful. Traffic slowed down again because everyone was trying to get a good look at it. Those don’t happen very often around here. It wasn’t one that disappeared really fast either, it lingered for a long time. After a little while traffic slowed way down again and we had no idea why. We later realized it was all because some car was pulled to the side of the road where a guy stood smoking. Why that caused a slow traffic jam is beyond me. I guess it was entertaining to some people or confusing, either way it caused us to take 30 minutes to drive what should have taken about 10.

Also on the way home we spotted a Virgin Mary statue standing in the woods facing the highway right before we saw a man taking a shit next to his car on the side of the road. That’s the kind of world we live in people. I couldn’t let myself forget any of this so I ended up taking notes in the car on an empty envelope. I called it my cliffnotes of the trip. It was also on the way home that I realized I had developed a sunburn on my chest and that really made me feel special. I had managed to burn while wearing 85spf sunscreen on a cloudy day. Yes, I am that talented! It’s not a really bad one but it was enough to cause some pain. I now can understand the appeal of those women who wear fabric from head-to-toe. We saw some at Six Flags with those on and I can’t for the life of me remember what they’re called. Whatever they are and for, they are definitely great protection from the sun! Overall it was a great trip and I want to go back every day. We might go back in October when I hopefully won’t have such a sunburn and heat stroke problem. One can only hope.

Even though I had scorched skin, chills from the heat, a sore ass from the wooden rollercoasters that make you slam into your seat and almost threw up projectile vomit style it was a blast and I really enjoyed my birthday!

Thanks for the birthday wishes! =)

My birthday is on Monday and I feel old and young at the same time.

It’s that time of year again! Not Christmas, just my birthday. I’ve always loved that my birthday was in the summer but since it’s at the end of July, it always reminds me that it’s almost over. It’s kind of always been bittersweet especially back in my school says. That actually always sucked. My birthday would be close and suddenly everything was about “back to school” sales and whatever. Now that doesn’t matter but the day isn’t as fun as it used to be.

I’m still young being in my early twenties but a birthday doesn’t change anything anymore. Remember the days when turning one year older was the biggest thing to happen to you? Like when you turned 10 and you were finally in the double digits. Then when you turned 13 and were officially a teenager. Turning 15 and that’s the year you start learning to drive. Year 16 feels huge in a ton of different ways plus its then legal to drive alone. When your 18th birthday hits it’s huge because now you’re legally an adult. Year 20 is even better because you can finally shed the “teen” at the end of your age. Turning 21 is big for people who want to drink or gamble, but anything after that and it doesn’t matter how old you are anymore. Unless you want to be president, in that case you have a good milestone left. Every milestone from 22+ is negative. People freak when they turn 30 and when you turn 50, everything is about you being “over the hill”. Then everything after that people will just call you old. Aging is such a shitty thing if you really think about it.

Honestly, I’m happy with my age. I’m not old and I’m not really young so it’s kind of a nice balance right now. It kills me though when someone asks, “how does it feel to be –insert new age here-?” Um, the same as it did yesterday? That’s all I can think to answer when someone asks that question. I don’t feel any different on my birthday anymore so am I must be missing something. A friend (who shall remain nameless) asked me the other day, “So, how does it feel having your birthday coming up?” I’ve been expecting these questions so I just turned with a straight face and said, “It tickles with a slight burn afterwards.” She had no idea what the hell I was talking about. She probably thought I was telling her I had urinary tract infection or something. Once she got it she laughed and told me I was crazy which really isn’t telling me anything I don’t already know. But hey, if people are going to ask me weird questions I’m going to give them weird answers. I think that’s my new motto.

Since my actual birthday is on Monday and the world refuses to stop for me, we’re celebrating over the weekend. Everyone wanted to know what I wanted to do as if I had been planning it all year. I had no clue until yesterday. We’re going to Six Flags. That’s right. I’m celebrating my birthday by being hurled through the air at high speeds and twisted all over the place. Who needs cake when you can swallow your stomach while flying through the sky upside down? It’s going to be hot and probably busy but oh well, its part of the whole adventure. The crazy part of amusement parks are the people you witness. After spending a few hours there you walk away really understanding the saying of, “it takes all kinds”. Depending on what happens, you might even hear about it later.

So, I’m turning a year older and I don’t feel any different about it. It should be a good birthday though!

“Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?”

“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest.”

My local mall is taking inspiration from an Amsterdam brothel.

This isn't what I saw. Just an example.
Have you been to your local mall recently? I went to a few around here in the last few weeks and learned something new. I’ve learned that a certain store is taking inspiration from a brothel. I know that sounds very odd but work with me here. I won’t say the same of the store but let’s just say its name is a wet ocean animal with flippers. These animals often balance a ball on their nose. Get it now? Anyway, the store itself is fine and the clothing is okay if it’s your style but that’s not my issue. My issue is they now have teenage girls and young adult women standing in their display windows to model their clothing. They just stand there in silence, usually two or three at a time. I’m sorry but seeing these girls standing behind glass is just weird!

I get that they’re trying to show shoppers what their clothes look like on real people instead of manikins but it’s just too awkward. All it reminds me of is those brothels with the prostitutes sitting on display for people to pick from. I know that’s a very odd jump but I for some reason go there in my mind. Not that I hang out in brothels or anything. As you walk by you can see people staring at them in disbelief so I’m not the only one who finds it surprising. The thing that really kills me is that many times the girls are pretty young. Some don’t even look at least 16 years old! I don’t know how long they have to stand in there or anything but I’d be surprised if many parents are okay with it, who knows they might not even know what the job exactly is. I’m not a mother yet but I know I wouldn’t want my teenage daughter on display like that.

Couldn’t they just have the clothing models walk around the store in their clothes to give customers a real life example instead of putting them in the display window? I would find that much less weird.

Am I totally off base here or do any of you find this completely weird too? If you had a teenage daughter would you let her take this job?

Does God get all mad when you call His blessing a curse or spell? If so, then I’m screwed!

You should probably read the post right before this one titled, “A woman selling her house threatened to hunt us down and possibly put a curse on us.” Seriously, go read it then come back here. It will make much more sense that way.

After writing yesterday’s blog I decided to look up what exactly the writing above the doors meant. I had no clue what was going to pop up but I really wasn’t expecting the true answer. It turns out it’s not a curse at all. It’s not a spell either. Apparently it’s a blessing the Catholic church uses around Christmas time. Yeah, I was totally off base on this one, or more my Husband was. Let’s blame him.

Apparently, some Catholic churches hand out white chalk to the congregation for them to write this blessing above their front doors. Here’s how it breaks down.

The writing I saw in the house was:
“20+C+M+B+06”

The numbers part represent the year the blessing was written, so in this case it was in “2006”. The letters “CMB” stand for “Christus Mansionem Benedicat” in Latin which translates into “May God bless this house”. So yeah, I totally interpreted that wrong and clearly I’m not Catholic.

Apparently just walking through the door means your blessed and now I kind of feel like shit. I mean I don’t think God likes it when you see a blessing/prayer and think “Ohmygod we’ve been cursed!” But honestly, how was I supposed to know? I’m not Catholic but I’ve been to several masses especially around Christmas and we were never given chalk to go tag our house, so really it’s not my fault. My husband isn’t Catholic and neither is our agent so really we can’t be held accountable for our interpretation. Plus, one of my readers agreed it sounded like a curse so we’re no the only ones. At least I’ll be going to hell with company.

It doesn’t make the crazy lady all innocent though! Basically she insulted God too because she didn’t act the way she was supposed to with this blessing in her house. This is what the blessing stands for when used in the home.

"It's a blessing for the people living there and a reminder that whenever someone comes to their homes, they should be greeted with hospitality."

Um, I’m pretty sure she failed! Being rude and threatening to hunt people down isn’t exactly being hospitable. So, basically we all insulted God and it sucks. I blame that woman though. Maybe if she had been all nice and been like, “Thank you for coming and God bless you,” then we probably wouldn’t have thought curse and been like ‘maybe it’s a prayer’. Ok, I would have never thought it was blessing or prayer but I would have left the whole curse thing out of it. Probably.

So, I’m sorry God. I apologize for my husband and likeminded reader as well. That lady though, she’s on her own because I don’t appreciate being stalked and I’m pretty sure the bible says that’s wrong too.

A woman selling her house threatened to hunt us down and possibly put a curse on us.

Anyone who has read some of my earlier posts knows we’re housing hunting right now and have been since the beginning of this year. We’ve seen tons of homes and even put offers in on a few only to be rejected in competition. So much for a slow market when we’ve been in a bidding war on every single house! Right now we’re trying to buy a short sale and it’s been in the limbo stage for almost 3 months and it’s really testing my patience and sanity level. Even though we’re waiting for an answer we have still been actively hunting in case anything better comes up which so far hasn’t happened.

If you’ve ever bought a house and looked at a bunch then you know you meet some interesting people. Most of the time we don’t even see the people selling the house but a few times they sit in one room and wait as we walk through. Can we say AWKWARD? No one wants to walk through and judge someone else’s house with them sitting/standing right there watching and waiting. It feels weird. I prefer when it’s just us and our agent that way we can speak freely and express different concerns without feeling strange. Yesterday was an exception though. We met the mother of all horrible sellers!

We had an appointment to see a house that’s been on the market for quite a while and now I totally get why. We showed up on time and the woman was still there. Most people are gone well before we arrive but she purposely waited for us to pull up with our agent. She then came out and was rude right from the start. We stayed aside and let our agent talk with her and she was just nasty. The first thing she said was “do not lock the kitchen door to the breezeway or else! I have your plates so I’ll be able to find you if you do.” The tone she said this in it was clear she was dead serious. I was floored and just looked at my husband in awe. Our agent stayed friendly and gave her his card and assured her that we wouldn’t touch the door. She then handed him a sheet of rules she wrote up about looking at her house. Totally not normal! Right before she pulled away she sharply demanded she be called when we were finished as she was only planning on going for coffee. So right off the bad we felt like we were on a tight time limit or something.

Once she was gone we entered the house and the weird things continued. The first thing we noticed was the door connecting the breezeway to the garage was locked and barricaded with a chair. We assumed there must be a dog in there so we knocked to see if a dog would react before opening the door. Everything was silent so we carefully removed the chair and peered inside. There was nothing but a couch and a work bench full of tools. Was she afraid the couch would grab a hammer and attack her? Who knows? We even checked the garage door to see if it wasn’t secure but it was completely solid and locked. It made no sense at all. We just put it back the way it was so she didn’t have a fit. I then noticed something written on the wall right above the door in the breezeway to the outside. It said, “20+C+M+B+06”. I kind of dismissed it assuming it was one of those ‘we were here’ things that kids do.

As we continued through the house we realized why it wasn’t selling. Every room needed serious updating and desperately. When we went into the living room the odd writing was there again. It was on the wall right above the front door. The room had clearly been recently painted so why would someone write over fresh paint is beyond me. It said the same exact thing as the other door, “20+C+M+B+06”. I have no idea what this means! It was above each door that led to the outside. My husband made a joke that it was a spell or curse or something. It was funny but not at the same time with how crazy this woman appeared to be. After finishing our walkthrough we realized this wasn’t the house for us and prepared to leave. Our agent called her to let her know we were finished just as she requested. About 3 or 4 minutes later she called our agent back to ask if we were going to buy the house. Seriously! After it was explained it just wasn’t the right fit she actually got mad. She made a comment about us wasting her time and making her leave her house for no reason! By that point we were eager to leave before she returned and had a hysterical fit! I honestly feel bad for her listing agent. I could never deal with this woman.

Clearly she’s upset about selling her home and I can understand that but I would never treat someone that way, especially potential buyers for my home. The whole thing was just weird. The home isn’t going to sell at her price. She’s way over priced for the condition of the home plus if she keeps treating people this way she will never sell. She just instantly turns people off. You almost expect her to be the kind of person to still show up even after she sells. No buyer wants that!

If anyone has any clue what the writing on the wall was I would love to know! Also if you know how to reverse a possible curse/spell that would be great too. You know, just in case!

Food, Fireworks and Fun! Oh my!

So HAPPY (late) FOURTH of JULY to all my American readers! Did you have fun for the holiday weekend? I hope so because I totally did. We did some cooking and went to a cookout with family and friends. We ate way way too much food and still pigged out on dessert. I need to do like 1,000 crunches and run like 18 gazillion miles to work it all off now. We could have fed an army with all the food. No one was allowed to leave unless they took leftovers. That should be a rule at all cook outs. Everyone has to hand in their keys when they show up and won’t get them back unless they walk out with at least one leftover! Sort of a “friends don’t let friends leave without food” kind of program.

After lots of chatting and making the rounds with the guests it thinned out some and we had a fire in the yard. No we didn’t burn down any trees because we’re responsible and only we can stop forest fires. Actually, the yard has a fireplace so it was all safe, mostly. The huge pile of wood, flying burning debris and paint thinner as a fire starter wasn’t safety inspired but we did it responsibly. Then we went to watch fireworks on the water which was pretty awesome since we could literally see about 7 or 8 different shows (it’s hard to keep track). I think I got whiplash and vertigo from turning my head in so many different directions to see them all. It’s like 4 shows in one direction isn’t enough; no I want to see them all! It’s the pyro in me (spell check says ‘pyro’ isn’t a word and it makes me want to torch it). I can’t resist the shooting fire in the sky!

It’s amazing how many parents hand their young children fireballs on a stick to play with. I guess all parenting rules go out the window when it’s our nation’s birthday. It’s crazy that all week we hear how shitty the economy is, then 4th of July shows up and everyone buys boxes and boxes of fireworks. Recession, what recession? I guess people have to have fun somehow. We even got to play with some although we didn’t buy them. Someone else did and we kind of all just shot them off. Thankfully we didn’t kill each other or anyone else so it was a success! The holiday wasn’t even over yet and everyone was talking about what kind they wanted to buy for next year – in a state where they’re illegal to sell and use. Go figure. The police kind of ignore them for this weekend though because it would be insane to try to enforce the law when everyone and their grandmother are shooting them off. It would be a losing battle really.

The only part that sucked was I went to war with mosquitoes and I freaking lost! I put on bug spray just like everyone else. I put it everywhere and applied it at the same exact time as the rest of the group. Well, guess what?! I’m the only one who was bit! Not a single other person walked away with any bug bites. Me? I HAVE SEVEN! Five of them are all around one ankle/shin and I know I made sure to spray that area. They itch like hell and I even put itch cream on them to no avail. I don’t know how I managed it. I swear, only I could be outside with a bunch of other people with bug spray on and end up the only one with mosquito bites. My husband just shrugged and said, “I guess you smell good - to mosquitoes.” I was like, “uh, thanks. I guess.” At least I didn’t get sunburned though so I won one of the battles.


I guess you can’t have it all, but with this weekend I was pretty damn close! Family, food, fireworks and fun all make for a pretty great day.

Road trips are just like insane asylums – they’re better when you’re drugged.

Why is it that whenever someone suggests a road trip it sounds like the best idea in the world and you can’t help be excited? Then once you get on the road you’re like, “why the HELL did I agree to this?” Does this happen to anyone else or is it really just me? I go through this every time a road trip comes up. It’s like I completely forget how bad they are even though I almost died during a road trip. I’ll get to that later though.

I haven’t gone on any since last September which was my least eventful one ever. The most that happened was the trip eventually led me to Washington D.C which meant having to ride the metro all over the place and I’m afraid of trains. Seriously. Smart idea for an anniversary trip huh? Anyway, my more eventful ones took place on the long distance trips but yet all the shit happened in the same two states. Have you ever driven on the New Jersey Turnpike? If you have, you’re probably nodding and thinking ‘oh, I know where this is going!’ Well, jump in for the story anyway because it’s why we’re all here.

Road Trip One:
This particular trip was my first real ‘road trip’ that traveled more then two states away, which in New England isn’t really all that far. No matter where you’re going, if you need to leave the New England area you must drive through New York and get on the New Jersey Turnpike for at least a little bit. You can’t avoid it. You just have to grip the armrest and hope to the high heavens that you make it out to the other end. Anything you see, hear and witness in between is just part of the trip and makes for an interesting story.

We tried to time going through New York to be during the low traffic hours and pretty much failed but at least we were moving most of the time. It wasn’t enough to blow past the crazies though. The first thing we ran into was a man I named “Crazy Phone Man”. We were on the highway and at that particular time in a stop and go situation. To our surprise, walking (yes, walking – on a highway) among the cars were three men. They were going up to car windows trying to sell cordless phones. We must have been lucky though because the particular crazy man that came up to our car thought to wrap the phone in cling wrap. Such a thoughtful guy, huh? He couldn’t brush his hair but he made sure the phone was safely swaddled in cling wrap. The best part, the phone wasn’t with its base. Yes, it was just the phone itself. If hitting the automatic door lock button repeatedly made the car any safer then we would have been a rolling Fort Knox.

To my Mom’s horror and my brother’s delight, we were later flashed by a big breasted woman on the New Jersey Turnpike. I don’t mean a quick peak and we were on our way. No. I mean she lifted her shirt and smashed her breasts up against her window for everyone in our car and lane to see. My brother literally asked if we could slow down so she could give a second show. If he had singles on him they probably would have been blowing out the window along with an excited “bravo!” She also decided to flash an 18 wheeler right after that and the guy slammed on his breaks. Luckily no one crashed but imagined that headline! “Blonde woman causes turnpike shutdown with nipples.” Her mother would be so proud.

Road Trip Two:
This trip took place a couple years after the one above. We made it through New York without much happening except seeing a man peeing on the side of the highway for all to see. Compared to everything else, that seemed mild. The smooth sailing ended once we were on the Turnpike (again). Traffic was steady but not bad. We were consistently going at highway speed which is honestly a miracle for the time a day we were traveling. Everything was going great and no one saw any boobs when suddenly a car cut right in front of us and nearly collided with another vehicle in the next lane. We had to slam on our breaks and turn to avoid colliding with the idiot and literally ended up at a complete stop – facing sideways.

This meant the 18 wheeler a few car lengths behind us had to slam on his breaks. Have you ever seen this happen? These beasts of a truck don’t exactly stop on command. It’s more like a few second delay especially at that speed. All in the matter of seconds (that felt like forever) we watched as this massive truck came bouncing down the lane towards us. The poor driver was trying so damn hard to stop his truck that it was literally shaking. Amazingly he stopped just inches from the passenger side of our car. I could have reached out and stroked the damn grill! No one ended up hitting anyone else and I really have no freaking idea how we didn’t all become a massive car pile up. As far as I know no boobs were involved in this mess but who really knows what that guy was in such a rush for?

You really need a damn vacation when you literally end up inches from your death.

WORST/BEST ROAD TRIP:
Ironically my best and worst road trip was one we took to New Jersey. We were going to the Six Flags Great Adventure and it was exactly that, an adventure. The trip was doomed from the start as the morning we got up to go, I threw up. I had no idea why and didn’t feel sick but blew chunks about an hour before we planned to leave. Since I still wanted to go and insisted I would be fine I ate some apple sauce (I don’t really know why though) and off we went. Everything was good until we hit Connecticut and I threw up again. This continued for a little while until I was pretty much vomited out and completely sworn off apple sauce for the near future. When we stopped for food I stayed in the car because food was the enemy at the time. By the time we reached the hotel though, I was completely fine and starving. It really made no sense.

The next day I was back to normal and we were off to the park. We rented those speedy pass things that let you blow by the people waiting for hours and hop right on your favorite ride. They’re awesome. We were having a blast until it was time to ride their Superman ride. I’m a roller coaster addict so I had no intention of skipping any of the rides and happily rode in the front row. It was my last ride of the day. For some reason the ride left my back screaming in pain and I was in tears. Even though I’m usually fine on rides that one really kicked my ass. I was in so much pain that I could barely stand walking and couldn’t even think about getting on another ride. Since our group split up I was stuck at the park for the day as no one brought cell phones. I spent the rest of the day slowly following my friends and brother around the park and sitting on benches in tears. When we finally caught up with my Mom I was near breaking point. We skipped the fireworks and headed right back to the hotel where everyone else was dropped off and my Mom and I took a trip to the local ER. I was in so much pain that my Mom was afraid I seriously injured my back.

After a few x-rays and exam in the ER it was determined that I didn’t do any serious damage but had basically pissed my muscles and spine the hell off. The doctor prescribed some drugs and told me that I was too thin to handle roller coasters. If I wasn’t in so much pain I probably would have thanked him for calling me thin and then told him he was crazy if he thought I was to never ride a roller coaster again. Once we got back to the hotel I was in love with that doctor. He prescribed Vicodin and muscle relaxers. Pain, what pain? I was passed out cold within 15 minutes of being in the room.

The next morning it was time to head back home and we all piled into the car. My Mom gave me my morning dose of magical drugs as we pulled away from the hotel. Ten minutes later I was out cold. I slept the entire 4 hours home! That, ladies and gentlemen was the best road trip I’ve ever been on. I fell asleep at the highway entrance in New Jersey and woke up in our driveway 4 hours later. It was beautiful. I missed the traffic, the road rage, the crazy ass people all over the place, the complaints, the bad music and the roadside bathrooms.

Moral of the story:

Don’t go on road trips and if you do, take some vicodin and muscle relaxers and it will be the best damn vacation you’ve ever had. You’re welcome. Send me a postcard from vicodin land when you get back!