Chronic insomnia is exactly like being drunk except no one is having fun and lack coordination is worse.


Basically I’m drunk on lack of sleep. After two weeks of not being able to fall asleep until around 4 am I had one of those ‘it can’t get any worse moments’ and then it totally did. Except I never said that because after 5 years of dealing with this I know better. I slept in until around 2pm yesterday after falling asleep sometime past 5am and that was the last time I was asleep. Yes, I’ve been awake for 30 and a half hours straight and it’s so NOT on purpose. It completely sucks and I’ve been here before. A LOT! Actually I kind of go in these weird cycles of sleep where I do okay for a little while and then this happens. Last time I had a bad cycle, it lasted for over 2 and a half months. I would be awake well over 24 hours then crash/pass out then the next day I was up over 24 hours again and this just went on and on and on. Oh, and before you ask, no there’s nothing I can do to help, yes I’ve tried exercise, different diets, restricting foods/drinks after certain time, I never have caffeine anymore and I’m not stressing about things or thinking too much. Doctors can’t help me, specialists on sleep disorders can’t help me and neither can any of the things mentioned above. So, no more advice people! I’ve heard it all, thought it all and tried it all. It’s a, ‘been there, done that and bought the t-shirt and then burned it’ situation, so please give up. Thank you!

The only silver lining to this hell called lack of sleep is that I tend to look at the world in a totally bitchish way (yes, bitchish – new word!) I become much more cynical (as if I’m not enough already) and develop an ‘I don’t give a shit about anything’ attitude. It’s kind of fun to see what flies out of my mouth before I even have a chance to attempt to shut myself up. No sympathy and no filter exist when I’m like this but I’m still nice until someone does something to annoy me but it doesn’t take a whole lot sometimes. Like earlier, a commercial came on for a car that I don’t remember what it was now. She was talking about how great it was and I started talking to my TV and was all like, “no, that car is a piece of shit you dumb bitch”. Yes, I literally said this out loud in an empty apartment straight to the actress lady on the screen. I may be totally losing my mind at this point but it usually comes back after a minimum of 10 hours sleep. Hopefully. I’ve also developed an urge to smack my downstairs neighbor upside the head because he keeps sitting outside having yelling conversations with people on the other side of the courtyard because he’s too lazy to leave his little patio and walk over there!

I’m not responsible for this post, by the way. If it sucks or has a million and a half mistakes just blame the boogie man because my brain can’t be held responsible for something it’s not participating in. I think my brain either left the building or is in upside down. So if it’s bad just pretend like you never read it and we can all move on.

One of my most recent search inquiries that lead to my blog was, “my in-laws want to kill me” but I seriously doubt they found what they needed here. I mean, I never actually wrote anything about how to survive homicidal in-laws; I just shared how crazy mine on minus homicidal tendencies. Lets hope something better came up in their search besides me, like a handy how-to article or something.

Imagine what kind of searches this blog will come up in. Be scared. I am.


Yellow Trash Diaries said...
June 10, 2009 at 10:08 PM

No matter how tired I am, it almost always takes me forever to actually fall asleep. It's like I can't shut my brain off, and the harder I try, the longer I stay awake. Ever read Stephen King's Insomnia?
My husband falls asleep two seconds after turning over-- pisses me off.

LB @Wait, She Said What? said...
June 10, 2009 at 10:23 PM

I've never read the book as I'm afraid it will be too much like real life or something.

My husband falls asleep the second his hair touches the pillow and he's out cold to the world no matter what happens. Pisses me off too.

I have fantasies of pushing him off the bed, smacking him in the head until he wakes up or clapping symbols above his head. I don't think these are the fantasies he would like me to have though.

I’m now at 32 and a half hours. Oh joy.

Rob said...
June 10, 2009 at 10:31 PM

This probably explains the tea kettle flambe' the other night.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...
June 11, 2009 at 2:03 AM

I AM COMPLETELY IN THE SAME BOAT. It's terrible. And I resent anyone who;s head can hit the pillow and they're makes me want to smother them in their sleep. Going to far?

Phil said...
June 13, 2009 at 6:54 AM

You know what I do when I can't sleep? Read your blog! HA, just kidding! Hopefully you still have a sense of humor when you're sleep deprived.

LB @Wait, She Said What? said...
June 17, 2009 at 1:41 AM

Usually Phil, usually.

Love the "tea kettle flambe'" line, Rob! That was great.

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