When you saw Avatar, did you think of giant Smurfs too?


Think him. Only taller. And no clothes.

So, we just saw Avatar for the first time this weekend. I know. We’re so behind everyone else. But I wasn’t in any big rush to see a movie the whole country was orgasming over just because ‘they’ said I should. It’s a movie, it can wait. Anyway, we eventually watched it mostly because we were able to get it as a free rental. Clearly, we didn’t try very hard to see it but oh well. Not knowing much about the movie going in except that it’s all people talked about at the time and it had something to do with blue people and was in 3D when it came out, we jumped in hoping to love it. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. I was far too distracted by the movie to really enjoy it.

Granted, the technology they used in the movie was pretty cool. Some of the computers and systems made my hubby come close to drooling but the whole linking ones brain up to something else and living as it is more creepy than cool to me, but whatever. My problem was the Navi people, or however you spell that just reminded me of Smurfs. I know that’s probably a huge jump but I was like “oh. We have giant Smurfs running around mostly naked. Weird.” Then next thing I know they started hissing at each other. So then I was like, “um, they’re part vampire now too?” It was at about that point that my hubby just laughed and said, “I think this movie is a little lost on you if that’s what you’re thinking about.” And honestly? Probably. But they even had little fang teeth and were hissing when they were mad so it was like Smurfs meets Twilight or something.


See? Blue vampire.

Then a bunch of things happened and somehow I was suddenly watching a war action movie in the middle of everything which was sad since one side had machine gun things and the others had wimpy arrows. I thought the weirdness was over until Grace was shot during an escape to go become a fake but sort of real blue person in the mountains. The blue people had to save her. Them and their God spirit person tree thing.

That’s when the orgy happened.

They all sat on the ground around their magical tree and linked to each other through their hair that looked more like tails and then gyrated all together while moaning and chanting. When I said it looked like a big nature orgy my hubby just laughed at me which didn’t really tell me if he agreed or just thought I was crazy. They did it twice actually with only the second one being successful. What makes a successful nature blue people orgy? Out of body experiences where you just move into another body. No really. That’s what they were trying to do. Plus, the human in the middle of it had to be naked and I have no idea why. That’s just how they do it. I guess.

Also? The giant Smurf vampires were also a lot like penguins. The blue people apparently have to mate under the magical tree for their ancestors to watch which to me just sounded like a big voyeur party. But once they did that they were mated for life. Just like penguins. It was a big ball of sweet and creepy all at the same time. But I guess even after you mate for life it’s still totally okay to abandon your for life partner to be blown up by the sky people because you’re having a mood swing. Which means penguins are better.


Micah said...
November 12, 2010 at 11:19 PM

I totally didn't get Avatar, either. To me they look like blue cats, which kinda threw me. Add the fact that they screw their pet dragon things while getting a free ride and it all just kinda sucked. I thought that I was the only person in the country that didn't love this movie. Thanks for hating it too, makes me feel less strange.
My husband went to see it in the theater like twice in 3D and bought it on blu ray, just raving about how awesome it was.
So, just thanks for being on my side.

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