Going to a fireworks warehouse with two pyros is sort of like going to a crack house with crack addicts. I’m guessing.


What happens in your house when the 4th of July is approaching? Cook out plans? Mega food shopping? Maybe even some decorating? Well, we do all that too. But we also indulge in flaming toys that make a really big boom. Totally normal right? Yeah, didn’t think so. But it happened anyway.

This past Saturday my hubby, brother and I took a 3 hour drive to New Hampshire to a large fireworks warehouse. But we didn’t go there to buy sparklers and little ground spark fountains, the kind that were just recently made legal in my little state. No, we went there to buy 500 gram cakes that shoot full blooms into the air and make a lot of noise. Yes, we’re having full aerials on the 4th and we currently have 3 cakes worth plus some individual shots affectionately called Predator. Basically, we bought the exact opposite of what are now considered legal fireworks. Our pile is pictured below.


Ignore the crap in the background, it was the microwave packaging.

Probably overboard but I can guarantee my hubby would tell you he wants more. This is what he has been thinking about since we started house hunting early last year. He knew right away he wanted to have a cook out and set off what he called ‘real’ fireworks and has been planning this for months. He probably would have bought more if we hadn’t just purchased 4 appliances a couple weeks ago. Personally, I would rather have the appliances but maybe I’m slightly biased since I use the kitchen and won’t be playing with the flaming boxes. Although I did pick out a small box that I don’t even know what it will do, all I know is whatever it shoots out will be pink which was enough for me. They named it Pink Diamonds which is just an adorable name for a firework. Pink isn’t exactly in line with the patriotic red, white and blue but we have plenty of that too.

The sales people there loved them since the prices of the cakes didn’t even faze them and my hubby gave a simple, “sure, throw it in” when they would show us different items. That’s how we ended up with that pile. Most of it was suggested and they just went with it. I assure you hubby doesn’t normally shop this way but a pyro in a fireworks warehouse is sort of like a dog standing in front of a huge plate of bacon. Just can’t help themselves.

Next year? They already plan to go bigger and we haven’t even launched the ones sitting in our basement yet. Also? Our neighbors will probably hate us. Although I know we won’t be the only ones since the entire state including the police department are confused about the new fireworks law. It clearly says only handheld and ground fireworks are now legal but yet it’s still a big mystery to people about what is and is not legal. Several police departments have flat out admitted they don’t know what the law is. Fantastic law enforcement people we have huh? Very impressive.

We also already had a major idiot strike only days after the fireworks law was passed, although it probably would have happened anyway but people are always looking for something to blame. A man from out of state was staying in a local hotel and decided it would be a good idea to set off fireworks in his hotel room including roman candles. The entire hotel was evacuated and his room was completely scorched. Serious dumbass.

You know, I probably shouldn’t tell hubby and my brother that I compared them to dogs and crack addicts. Might not find it quite as funny as I do.


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