A man fell in love with a dolphin. No, really.


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Why do so many of the weirdest stories I write about come out of Florida? It’s not a thing against the state, I happen to love all the time I’ve spent there and it’s still one of my favorite places to visit. I just would love to know why so much weird ass shit happens there. Maybe they just happen to report a lot of it and other states keep it hidden like a dirty little secret. Either way, here we go again.

I’ve managed to find yet another story about a man getting way too intimate with animals. If you don’t remember the other one then go to the post about the man molesting the cows. Caught up? Ok, good. Or not, depending on how you want to look at this. I don’t know how I find them and I most definitely don’t go looking for it, they just seem to find me. I wish I could blame someone else and say it was sent to me but I just manage to stumble upon it in my readings on the internet. Which is obviously a very scary place.

My wanderings this time brought me to a story about a man, who fell in love with a dolphin. I don’t mean he saw it and said, “oh look how cute, I love dolphins!” No. He met one at an amusement park and fell in love as in a relationship kind of love. And then he wrote a book about it. Has your brain exploded yet?

Malcolm Brenner from Sarasota apparently had (what he considers) a love at first sight kind of moment with this poor dolphin and had repeated visits with her. He even goes into detail about a particular moment with the animal which he explains in the following lines. These are quotes directly from an interview he did with the New York Times.

“She would take my leg very lightly in her jaws and run her teeth up and down my leg. It’s an incredible sensation. I don’t know if other people would find it erotic, but I certainly did.”

Fucking hell?! He got turned on. By a dolphin. Wow. Plenty of people go swimming with these adorable creatures and I’m pretty damn sure they don’t get a stiffy while doing it. He even goes are far as referring to the whole thing as an ‘affair’ as if the dolphin was a human. He claims she gave him seductive stares and made points to touch his crotch. The whole thing is just sick. The guy clearly needs some serious help. Especially considering he believes he had telepathic conversations with her. Padded room anyone?

This apparently all happened in the 1970s and it’s taken him this long to write his book. Why? I have no idea, and I don’t really care. He titled it, “Wet Goddess: Recollections of a Dolphin Lover” which he calls a ‘semi-autobiographical novel’. Ugh. He also says that the book isn’t meant to promote bestiality but to help people realize that “dolphins are smart, have real emotions and are capable of relationships.” Basically it’s supposed to be a vehicle to help save the dolphins and their environments. Except with sex scenes thrown in.

He did succeed in one thing though. He’s made me want to protect dolphins and other animals - from him!

3 comments:

Logical Libby said...
May 5, 2010 at 6:33 PM

I always find it amazing when people compare gay marriage to guys like this. Um, dolphins can't give consent...

Malcolm J. Brenner said...
May 31, 2010 at 7:21 PM

Logical Libby doesn't know much about animals. Animals can and do give consent, this is the process called "courtship," which is (usually) the male obtaining the female's consent to mate. In my case it certainly wasn't "love at first sight," I spent six months resisting the dolphin's increasingly demonstrative advances until she finally convinced me that she was the functional equivalent of "human."
However, you are free to believe whatever you want. It remains your belief, far from the facts of the matter. You might want to read my book before you lambaste me.

M. M. said...
November 12, 2010 at 11:55 PM

I read something somewhere about a woman marrying a dolphin. Maybe this guy and that lady should hook up. They totally seem like kindred spirits. Completely strange and freaky kindred spirits, but there you have it.

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