Blogging while hyperventilating is probably a bad idea.


I’m freaking the hell out right now! A thing I dread and fear everyday just happened and I’m losing my mind! A spider just walked on my foot! Just now when I was sitting on the couch watching a movie. I hate those things with a passion and the idea of one touching me sends me into a near panic attack. I was just sitting here and I suddenly felt that creepy crawly feeling and looked and there it was on my toe. I flung my foot like crazy while trying very hard not to scream since it was past 4am and I didn’t want my husband waking up thinking I was being murdered or something.

I basically had a mini panic attack right at that second because it had just been touching me and then I didn’t know where it went when I freaked out and I didn’t want to touch the floor because it might touch me again. I could barely breathe and was all hot and sweating while frantically trying to spot the evil thing on the floor. I finally found it hiding under the coffee table after sprinting across the living room to get to the flash light to help me see it. I probably woke up our downstairs neighbors when I beat the thing to its death with my husband shoe. It had to be his shoe because I could never actually use my own. Ew! Then I got it with a tissue and threw it in the toilet and flushed. When I opened the lid the damn thing was still there floating dead in the water! It was like it was haunting me from my toilet. I flushed like 6 more times to be sure it was gone. Then I sanitized the shoe, my hands and of course my foot. I scrubbed my foot so hard it hurts.

Now I’m all freaked out and can’t stop looking around making sure another one isn’t near me. I keep feeling like something is crawling all over me and it’s creeping me out! I can’t stand spiders. They should all just be gone. I know they serve some purpose and blah blah blah but they scare the shit out of me! If they could all just stay outside and never come near me at all then I could deal with them. I can’t get myself to go to bed now because I’m afraid one will crawl on me in my sleep. So now it’s almost 6am and I’m blogging about it since there’s nothing else I can do. My choice is write about it or panic and I’m doing both.

Someone get me a brown paper bag. Or an oxygen tank.


cherie said...
August 7, 2009 at 8:24 AM

haha - we live in an apartment, and one night there was riot over a cockroach. (blech) my husband called for a fly swatter (for goodness' sakes), and i flew in with one (without intending to use it - the mess!) so i steadily got closer to the wretched creature with a thick roll of tissue in my hand, made a dash for it, scooped it, wrapped the tissue good AND put a rubber band around it and sprayed lysol all over the swatter indeed. hahah! take it easy...

Attila The Mom said...
August 7, 2009 at 9:32 AM

Gah! You and me, girlfriend!

A few months ago I was getting ready for bed, and reached under my pillow for my nose hose (I use oxygen when I sleep).

Instead of the hose, I pulled out a ginormous, crackly, squirming spider!

I STILL tear the bed apart before getting into it. Gah!

Phil said...
August 9, 2009 at 6:40 AM

LOL, sorry to laugh at your panic. Just try to think of the spider there helping you by killing all the other bugs in your house. You might be completely infested if not for that little guy you mercilessly beat to death.

Phil said...
August 15, 2009 at 7:10 AM

Hey, no posts for a week? I hope the spiders didn't gang up and get you

Cathy said...
August 20, 2009 at 12:39 PM

Just stumbled across your blog. This spider post made me laugh! I can totally relate.

Eva Gallant said...
August 20, 2009 at 9:41 PM

who the hell likrs spiders anyway?

peedee said...
September 26, 2009 at 5:08 PM

I'm bug-a-phobic too so I totally feel your pain.

and your post made me lol!

Lady X said...
September 28, 2009 at 4:22 PM

Ah, hahahaha! I had a similar run-in with a large creepy black bit of legs and fur, FUR! I let out a shriek that shook the rafters, took off for the bathroom (it was either that or the unlit hallway) and there upon the safe, cool, spider-free tile put on my glasses and formulated a plan. When I returned to the scene of the crime with a giant can of Lysol (no bug-spray in the bathroom) and the plunger, I realized with much embarrassment that the thing that had set off all the panic was nothing more than a big black ball of cat-fur. Spider-phobia gone mental. I should sleep in my glasses.

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