Moronic Monday – How exactly do you arrest a goat?

I never thought I would need to ask such a question. I mean, it’s only a goat. What could it possibly do that would actually make someone want to put it under arrest? Since when do we even arrest animals?! Well they do in Nigeria apparently. Real police arrested a local goat and it’s now in custody while the crime it’s charged with is under investigation.

It’s amazing how easy this weekly segment really is. It’s just shocking. It’s like the world tries to create stories made just for this post.

Apparently there are known vigilante groups in Nigeria that just roam the streets looking for crimes. Sort of like batman but totally messed up in the head. And with less cool shit to attack people with. The police actually allow them to fight crime which only makes me wonder what the hell the police are doing. One vigilante group came across a couple ‘hoodlums’ that were trying to steal a car. A Mazda to be specific. So they chased after them because that’s what vigilantes do when they’re out patrolling the streets. Sort of what the cops should have been doing but weren’t. According to the mighty crime fighters one of the guys got away but the other was captured.

And then he turned himself into a goat.

This is the exact story the vigilantes told the police with the black and white goat in tow. So what did the police do? Instead of sending them away or having their psychological state evaluated, they actually took the goat into police custody as if they had a real suspect. For armed robbery. Nigerians firmly believe in witchcraft so I guess they think all sorts of shit can happen but the fact that they think a human can magically transform into a goat is mind-blowing. What’s worse is the police seem to agree that it’s possible; all they admit to is that they just can’t prove it. It’s seriously scary.







A police spokesperson was quoted in saying, “We cannot confirm the witnesses’ story, but the goat is in our custody. We cannot base our information on something mystical. It is something that has to be proved scientifically, that a human being turned into a goat.” Why in the hell would they even take the goat into custody if they didn’t take the story even the slightest bit seriously?! He almost sounds like he’s saying he believes it happened but has no scientific proof to make the case. Uh, DUH! So why exactly are they still holding the goat prisoner? It was just wandering around probably eating some grass or tin and then it’s whisked away and kept in jail because people think it’s human. This story actually makes my head hurt.

Apparently the magical goat-man-transformer is a national curiosity as people flock to the police station to see it which they refer to as “the beast.” The police station has basically turned into a petting zoo. All because people are hoping a human will appear out of no where instead of a confused goat staring blankly back at them. Probably the weirdest police agency I’ve ever heard of.

Unfortunately for the goat, there’s no word on when it will be released. My guess is when it turns into a human. Which translates into never. Awesome.