A swarm of bees came for my birthday.

It’s that time of year again! No, besides summer. It’s my birthday. Is it weird that I find it slightly strange to be turning 22? Usually I laugh at people when they ask if I feel any different but this year it does seem a little weird. For some reason I never got used to being 21. Not that there’s any special feel to that age either but I very rarely had to even think about how old I was never mind say it, so it still sounds strange to say. Oh well. At least I’m still at the point where I can just be happy with my age instead of where I’ll be 10 years from now and denying it.

Besides the fact that family is coming over tonight and we’re going whale watching this weekend for my birthday (yay whales!) something else came to celebrate. Bees! Yes, those wonderful little creatures decided our house is an awesome place to live. And by wonderful little creatures I really mean evil little pain in the asses. I know our house is nice and we love it, I just had no idea the bees would feel the same way. Specifically about our living room wall. They found a small crevice and moved themselves right in.

As for what kind of bees they are, the collective guess is they’re yellow jackets. Although we’ve gone from yellow jackets to wasps to hornets to carpenter bees back to yellow jackets. Honestly, we really have no idea what they are except that they are living in our wall and are very enthusiastically unwanted. So we decided to be good DIYers and take care of it with store bought spray. When they barely even twitched at the first one my hubby tried again. And again it didn’t work. After a third spray and still the bees were buzzing around we gave in and called a pest control company. We should have just started there.

Besides being bees with good taste (ignore the toot of my own horn) and apparently bionic since they can survive sprays made to kill them, they also have stage fright. When the pest control guy showed up I led him to the hole and we waited. Even though they always flying around especially near my head not a single one was to be found. He then returned to his car to get his little mirror one arrived and entered the hole. It was the one and only bee that surfaced while he was here and it was when he wasn’t looking. Of course! It’s like the little things knew their killer had arrived and stayed away. Stupid bees. So based on my description and where they made their nest he said they were more than likely yellow jackets but he can’t know for sure without seeing them.

So in two days they will be returning with their killer dust that will be blown into the wall and kill the bees. He said the entire nest will be killed off within three days of the dust being deployed. Yay! I’m not a big fan of sharing my home with bees. They can consider this their eviction notice.

Update on my disaster of a kitchen and our battle with Lowe’s.

I sort of have my kitchen back. More specifically I have a dishwasher that is where it belongs and works. What a concept huh? The plumber was able to do what he was hired to do and after running new water lines and capping off old ones he was able to install the new dishwasher to set us free from washing everything in the sink. All for the same amount we spent on the dishwasher itself. Oh joy.

The microwave still isn’t in yet since we could barely even access part of our kitchen with the mess that was going on and the plumbing issues were more important. Hopefully that will happen pretty soon too since it’s annoying not having it. I never realized how much we rely on our microwave until it’s been just sitting in my dining room in a box. Plus staring at a hole above the stove isn’t exactly appealing. Speaking of the stove, that thing is awesome! Look at my new best friend!







The two ovens make cooking multiple things at different temperatures a breeze. Plus having a flat cook top is now my favorite thing in the world. Our old stove still had those coils that were no longer level so things would gather to one side of the pan and cooking evenly was a serious trick. Now there’s no more pan rocking and everything is even and cooks faster. I’m in love.

As for our battle with Lowe’s, we can officially declare it over. We didn’t hear from a senior manager until after we put in a complaint with the district office. Only three hours later we received two phone calls from a store manager who suddenly seemed very eager to speak with us. He claimed that our report had been marked resolved which was why we never heard from him. He also claimed that there were no notes about a manager we spoke with on the first day who was extremely rude so he had no idea that conversation even happened. Whatever, we would have never heard from him if he hadn’t received a call from his district manager.

Anyway, to try to resolve the situation and leave us with good feelings about their store, they’re sending us a $200 gift card. It’s appreciated and obviously we’ll return to the store and use it, but I can’t guarantee we’ll always turn to Lowe’s for our household purchases in the future. Before this, we automatically went to Lowe’s for everything from seed and stone to appliances and painting items. Now, because of everything that happened and the fact that the store dragged it out for literally a week we probably won’t be as loyal to their company. That might change over time but as of right now that’s how we feel.

We still have two holes in our basement ceiling from where we had to cut to access the leaking water line.







Aren’t they pretty? I literally groan each time I go downstairs for something and have to see them. It’s never fun seeing holes where they don’t belong. I hate them. But they’ll be fixed soon too. Our washing machine is also good to go. The recall fix literally took the GE guy less than 2 minutes. All he had to do was put a cover over the wire so that if it ever broke it wouldn’t come in contact with the metal tub. It’s running as we speak as I attempt to catch up on laundry. I’ll be climbing laundry mountain for the next couple days. If I’m not back in a few days call in the search party.

PS: The things you guys say in the comments just makes me love you all! Saying you'll boycott a store on my behalf or that I should have been able to punch someone in the nuts are the kind of thing that make this blog soooooo worth it! You're awesome.

Shit hit the fan. Then the fan exploded.

Have you ever had just one of those weeks? Of course you have. We’re having one of them. Only it’s lasting longer than a week. And it just keeps on growing. Something that should have been simple and pretty straight forward turned into the biggest cluster fuck that still hasn’t been straightened out. And honestly? I have no idea when it will be. It SHOULD be Tuesday but who really knows. It was supposed to be fine for last Wednesday. Then Thursday. Then Friday would be the magic day. And you get the picture.

First, we decided to buy new appliances. Goodbye old slowly dying white things and hello beautiful stainless steel! I was thrilled especially since we were buying them all at once so I wouldn’t have to stare at mismatched ones for a while. So we went to the store found what we wanted and sort of fell in love with a stove. It has TWO ovens people! Awesome! We ordered the microwave, dishwasher and stove. We planned to order the fridge the following week since we had to remove a cabinet that would be in the way. We placed the order for delivery and installation and went home ready to have an updated kitchen. This is pretty much where the fun ended. Now we enter into a world of stress.

A couple days later the truck showed up with my pretty new toys waiting inside. The delivery men had a surprise for me though. They weren’t going to install anything, just deliver. That’s right; they were just ‘dropping off’ our new appliances. So they put the stove in its spot and left the new microwave and dishwasher sitting in the middle of my kitchen still in the original boxes. Why? Because the sales person we bought from didn’t put in for installation. Even though we told him that was what we wanted and expected. Fucking hell!

We called Lowe’s (where we bought the appliances) and the salesperson claimed we told him we wanted to install them ourselves. HELL NO! Hubby doesn’t do plumbing. It’s not his thing. He is amazing with a lot things but plumbing is not one he even wants to do. Ever. We never had even remotely close to a conversation with this guy where we said we would do anything ourselves. Actually, we told him flat out that we wanted them installed and the old ones hauled away. The guy apparently only half listened. Then he decided to blame us for the whole thing. Asshole.

So what did they say when we said they needed to send someone out for installation? Said the earliest they could do was the following Monday. It was Wednesday! The big problem with that was we had no hot water since the old dishwasher was unhooked. I know that sounds weird but whoever originally hooked up a dishwasher in this house the first time, did it wrong. Big surprise. The hot water line was hooked up separately from the lines under the sink and the only turn off valve to that line had been dry walled over in the basement ceiling. So the only way to turn off that pipe was directly at the hot water heater. Which meant Lowe’s expected us to have no hot water for literally almost a week. So NOT happening.

So we had a plumber come out Friday to install the dishwasher even though it would cost more just so we could have a functioning kitchen and house. Except that didn’t happen. Turns out the hot water line to the dishwasher isn’t only wrong but was leaking. Awesome huh? It was beyond repair and needed to be replaced. Instead we’re having them re-run the line through the cabinets to connect under the sink where they should have been to begin with so it won’t be hidden behind dry wall anymore. Best of all though? In order to have hot water back in the house we had to cut a hole in the dry wall in the basement ceiling to get to the turn off valve for the leaking pipe. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Because of the size of the job the plumber couldn’t do the rerunning of the pipes that day since it was already late afternoon. So the earliest they can come back is Tuesday morning. So we have had hot water all weekend but no dishwasher. It’s still sitting in the kitchen taking up way too much space and getting in the way. Plus there is a huge empty space under the counter where it should be and a hole in the ceiling downstairs. Basically? My house is a fucking mess.

As if that wasn’t enough, something else popped up on Saturday. Turns out our front load washing machine is involved in a recall. What the fuck?! It’s a fire hazard. Apparently some wire inside can break and when it touches the metal tub can cause shocks and catch on fire. It’s happened to 7 different people already. So now we can’t use the washing machine until Tuesday afternoon when GE comes out to repair it. Literally one thing after another.

Lowe’s is being total assholes about the whole thing too. We’ve been told by two different people that we would be hearing from a senior store manager about the problems we had with the sales person and delivery. We were told we would hear from them within 24 hours. That was on Wednesday and we haven’t heard anything. They’re not even trying to right the situation. So when we went out to buy our new fridge, we didn’t go back to Lowe’s. Instead we went to Sears and they even price matched what Lowe’s was offering. We pushed back the delivery date so we could get this mess situated and then remove the cabinet that would be in the way of the new fridge.

It’s safe to say we’ve been pretty stressed. I haven’t even wanted to be in my own house all weekend just so I wouldn’t have to look at the disaster zone that is my kitchen. I know that’s avoidance but hey, whatever works.

Oh and we almost got in an accident last night on our way home from dinner. Some ass in a huge SUV decided he wanted to be in the exact spot of our lane that we were already in. I looked up and there it was within inches of my door. Thankfully my Hubby was able to get us out of it but barely. Scared me so much I actually screamed.

Sigh.

Dear Universe, we could really use a break this week. Thanks.

I never want to see wallpaper again and I’m apparently doomed to the fire of hell.

Today was a busy and insanely exhausting day. We got so much done that it’s almost painful to think about. From our carpets being cleaned and wallpaper being ripped down to an entire room primed and another sanded. Have I mentioned I HATE wallpaper? It’s probably the most evil thing ever invented for home décor and that says a lot coming from me since I detest wood paneling with every fiber of my being. Not only was the wallpaper a pain in my ass but it was also ugly as hell. I swear it was based off of the uniforms people were forced to wear in concentration camps. I’m not even trying to be funny or mean with that, it’s just true. Two shades of gray in vertical stripes. Seriously. Plus they used about 10 times more glue then they really needed to so we had random small pieces that just refused to come off without beating it and the wall to death. I’m so glad it was only halfway up the wall because if it was floor to ceiling, I would still be in there scrapping my life away. I never ever want to see wallpaper ever again. Ever. It should be banned.

Oh, and I’m apparently doomed to eternal damnation. Isn’t that a ball of fun? I know this because two strange men appeared at the door to the house to tell me this. One was young, probably in his 20s that did most of the talking, but the other was in this floppy hat and basically smiled the entire time. It was one of those creepy smiles too and all I kept thinking was ‘creepy pedophile on my doorstep’ while the other told me how screwed I am. He was all like, “can I ask you a question?” I was about 2 seconds away from responding with ‘well, you already did so you didn’t give me much a choice now did you?’ but I had a feeling it would have been lost on them.

Anyway, his magic question was, “If you had to stand before God today, and he asked you why he should allow you into heaven, what would you say?” What the hell kind of question is that to ask someone at their door? So I just dryly answered, “I have no idea.” This petrified him and it was the funniest thing ever. He just had this horrified look on his face and repeated my statement back to me. I could just see him deciding I was screwed right then and there. Then he started rambling about how we’re all born in sin and God doesn’t like sin and can’t allow it in heaven and blah blah blah. I lost him for a bit because I was honestly bursting trying to hold back my laughter. He quoted the bible in there too but I don’t know what he said, then came the ring of fire in hell part. The funniest part of my day.

By his definition, heaven must be completely empty since he said we’re all born sinners and basically every human sucks, well except them. I want to know what we could possibly do in the womb or within our first minutes of life that automatically make us sinners. Plus it came up today that believing you’re completely without sin is actually a sin in itself, so that means even these religion pushers are going to hell to with the rest of us. Well, I can close a door in their face down there too then. I found the entire thing completely hilarious. They gave me some plastic bag full of flyers and a CD with more “you’re going to hell missy” crap. Which promptly went into the garbage. All this was happening while they were standing in the rain. I guess trying to scare people into converting to whatever they are is a rain or shine event. Kind of like the post office.

So, the gist of my day was that because I exist I’m going to hell in a ball of fire and wallpaper is evil and will be decorating hell, right next to the wood paneling. I also randomly sent a text to my hubby that said “The carpet people are done and I’m going to a ring of fire in hell,” just to confuse the hell out of him.

The old owners moved out but they left some little friends behind.

I hate people. Have I mentioned that? More specifically I hate the people that owned our home before us. So far, we have learned that they were very dirty people who apparently had no issue living in complete filth. The floors were just plain dirty and require a firm scrubbing in every room. Plus the walls need to be scrubbed and there was mold growing in the refrigerator. They just put tinfoil over it instead of actually cleaning it. I know they sold their house as a short sale so it means they were in trouble financially but there are simple inexpensive ways to do basic cleaning. It doesn’t cost anything to sweep or mop your floor. I know she had a mop because she had it hanging from the basement ceiling as a place to hang clothes to dry. It clearly wasn’t doing much good there. She also left behind a bucket that most would use to mop as well as some spray cleaners and several sponges, which she apparently never used.

They also left several pieces of furniture behind plus tons of random items in the shed. I could handle and get over all that pretty easily but they also left something else for us to deal with. FLEAS! The house has fucking fleas! I nearly flipped my lid when I saw one on my hand. I was about to start cleaning and all of the sudden there it was. I could have screamed I was so mad. I know they had cats but that’s no excuse to have fleas. There are ways to prevent it and then treat it if it happens. But no, instead they just moved out and left it as our problem. So now flea bombs are going off in our house and tomorrow it will have that wonderful chemical smell until it fully airs out. Of course it’s good that we found out before we moved anything in and we haven’t replaced the carpets yet, but still!

It’s like they just completely gave up on taking care of anything. The house was just plain dirty, there’s a flea infestation and they allowed stray cats of the neighborhood to live in their shed since they never bothered to fix a broken window pane. The neighbors we met informed us of this problem and stated the window had been broken for a very long time. I realize they were probably very upset they couldn’t keep their home but what happen to the pride of taking care of your home? Has that completely disappeared? I would never let my home get to even half the state they left it in, whether I was losing it or not. Even if they didn’t care what other people thought what about for their own sake? They actually allowed themselves to live in this level of filth and didn’t do anything about it. There’s no excuse for it especially when you have the proper materials to keep the house at a respectable level. Who lets mold grow in their refrigerator and then just covers it with tin foil? Who just never mops or sweeps their floors, ever? I just don’t understand it. This woman was a mother; she had two kids in their teens, so you would think she would know better.

We also found an empty bottle of Patron Tequila in the teenage boy’s bedroom closet. Seriously! It was just sitting there on the floor in the corner clearly visible. I know for a fact he was underage as we actually saw him one day. He was no older then 18, at the most. I realize that parents can’t know everything their kids are doing and everyone has rebelled at least a little in their lives, but why would they leave it there? We know she had been in the house all throughout the week before closing because she was having non-stop yard sales and even posted ads online about them. Could she really have never bothered to open that closet door? It stood out with its specialty bottle. Wouldn’t most mothers’ double check their kid’s room to make sure everything was packed and removed? At the evidence of how these people lived, I guess anything is possible.

I just hope to God that the flea treatment works so we can move past this problem and get the house clean. It’s such a good thing that we don’t have contact with the previous owners anymore, because I have OH SO MUCH I wish I could say to them. What kills me though, is they moved to an apartment. She will definitely not be getting her cleaning deposit back.

Ugh. Never buy a short sale. Ever.

This is supposed to be a Moronic Monday post but all I can think about is that we closed on our house today!!

Ohmygod! Ohmygod! Ohmygod! It finally happened, after months and months of waiting. We closed on our first house and it was amazing and insane all at the same time. We did a final walkthrough of the house and everything was where it was supposed to be. Then we went to closing and in the matter of 37 minutes, we were homeowners. It was the most whirlwind moment ever. We must be speed signers because even though there was a books worth of paperwork (seriously, why so many damn pages?) we were done before I even blinked my eyes twice. Then the keys were in my hand and we were pulling into our driveway as owners for the first time. Is it our house? Apparently it is but you could have fooled me. I still feel like I’m going to wake up tomorrow and it will all be a dream or something. Someone slap me because I’m in pure disbelief.

The first thing we did (after walking around the house 3 or 30 times) was change the locks because I don’t trust people. After that we started cleaning mostly because we weren’t really sure what else to do. We still don’t feel like we bought a house today but we have moving deadlines now so clean we must. Apparently, the people who owned it before didn’t understand you have to clean up your own filth. I swear, they never cleaned or even swept the floors the entire 3 years they lived there, seriously. It’s DISGUSTING! I did a dry sweep of the kitchen/dining room area with a swifter and the pad was completely black! I gagged a little at the sight of it. The same thing happened in the living room. Then hubby scrubbed the floor with a stiff brush with Lysol and the water was black before we knew it. You could see the dirt line on the floor from where he cleaned and where he hadn’t touched yet. I’m still mortified by it. It will be scrubbed at least 2 more times to get it clean enough to be comfortable. I don’t get what’s wrong with people, honestly. They had two cats but this wasn’t a pet issue, this was just dirty people and absolutely no cleaning happening at all. The cats were the cleanest living thing in the house. Ironically, the bathroom floor was the cleanest floor in the entire house. Go figure.

So we still have plenty of cleaning to do, and carpets to replace (again, disgusting) but the house is worth it. I can’t wait to paint so it will have a fresh new look inside. Just the small cleaning it got today, I swear the house would thank us if it could. We even met one of our neighbors. They saw us in the backyard and came right out to say hello, they seemed really happy to hear the house wouldn’t empty anymore. They even gave us a few tips on a broken window on the shed that apparently stray cats frequent and it made me so glad for perceptive and friendly neighbors since we wouldn’t have known until it happened. That will be stopped, now.

I don’t even know what else to say except I still can’t believe it. I have no idea when it will feel real but when it does I will probably cry again. Yes, I cried a little already. It was right after we closed and I was talking on the phone. Saying it out loud made me cry but yet I don’t believe it’s real. Maybe when we move in and stay the first night it will be cemented in my mind. Lets go with that.

I had a story ready to go for Moronic Monday but couldn’t focus at all. It will be back for next week though. Consider this a little detour!

PS: We already had to kill two spiders in the house and we haven't even owned it for 24 hours yet. And by we, I mean hubby. Spider killer/keep them away spray here we come!

The house isn’t going to blow up or collapse so basically it was a good day.

The bank finally decided to accept our offer and it was amazing and totally weird at the same time because they did it by email. Seriously. I didn’t even know banks did anything by email but apparently this is casual enough for them to let our acceptance pop up next to the Viagra spam emails and helping some Nigerian prince who needs a gazillion dollars.

So after that we had to be on top of our deadlines for inspections and appraisals even though the bank didn’t follow theirs. Yesterday was the big day and it was exciting and nausea inducing all at the same time. We showed up and the team of people to judge our house showed up ready to rip it apart. Machines were set up for Radon testing which we still don’t have the answer for yet and the furnace was probed like it was abducted by aliens. Then beams were beaten to death looking for termites and the guy went up on the roof looking like a summer version of Santa. When everything was done we had one report in our hands that said the boiler was old but working fine and could last for a long time but honestly, no one really knows for sure. Then later we got the inspection report by email (notice a pattern here) that listed the things he found wrong but they were all minor which was great but now we still have a list of things that are against codes that we have to fix like an emergency switch for the boiler in the wrong spot and no banister on the basement stairs. We won’t know the appraisal results or Radon levels until sometime next week and I’m running out of patience.

The house was a total mess because the lady who lived there apparently doesn’t understand that when you move out you’re supposed to take all your junk with you. She also doesn’t understand that no one wants all her junk because she’s planning an “indoor yard sale” for the coming weekend. The whole point of a yard sale is it’s supposed to be in the freaking yard. There was also a missing door at the top of the basement stairs that the listing agent tried telling me never existed which was total bullshit. I know for a fact it did because I touched it at our first viewing of the house and the hinges were like right next to her head as she tried telling me there was never a door. Besides the door, everything else was where it was supposed to be so I guess we should be happy. I want the damn door though.

So now we still have to wait to get all the reports in and then wait for the underwriters to make a final decision and wait for the closing date. The waiting never really ends. I haven’t started packing because none of this feels real yet. I keep waiting for someone to pull it out from under us even though everyone says we should be packing by now. I really am an eternal pessimist.

I’ve decided to adopt the view that since the roof isn’t going to fall in, the foundation isn’t going to collapse and the boiler isn’t going to blow the house into tiny pieces then it was a successful inspection. Well, so far anyway.

UPDATE: So I totally love our Radon dude because he picked up the machine this morning and I just got the report (by email - this is so funny) and it's good news! We're no where near the dangerous level at all, so yay it's safe to be inside the house! The level itself is considered low so I'm thrilled. Now we just need the appraisal which we probably won't have until next week sometime.

UPDATE #2: The appraisal report just came in even earlier then we thought! It's good news! It appraised at the amount we needed for the sale. So YAY! Now all the reports are in and being sent to the right people.

Phew! We've seriously gone from a complete standstill to about 70mph in just a few days!