Moronic Monday: Forget eye for an eye, it’s goldfish for a diamond now.

It’s a timeless story. You fall in love, you move in together and oh so romantically become common-law married. Then, things fall apart and you break up. Your ex common-law husband (that sounds so weird) decides he wants all the jewelry he’s ever given you. He steals it and refuses to give it back. All you want is your diamonds and since you can’t get your way, you decide to get even. So what do you do? You steal his goldfish of course.

This is exactly what a woman from Pasadena, Texas did. She was angry and apparently thought stealing the 7 goldfish the couple bought together was her best option. The man called police and reported them stolen. I’m sure the police were just thrilled at this call. Anyway, they did their duty and went straight to the woman’s house. After talking with the woman for a few minutes they discovered that not only had the woman stolen her ex husband’s beloved goldfish, but she took the revenge one step further.

She ate them.




Yup, she threw them in a frying pan and ate 3 of the little fishies before the police even arrived. We know this because the officers found 4 of them on a plate sitting on her kitchen table. She was completely unfazed by the whole thing and led them straight to her tiny victims the second they asked where the fish were. When asked where the remaining 3 fish were she simply stated, “I already ate those.” Just another day on the job for those officers, don’t you think?

Best of all, there was nothing the police could do. There’s no law against eating goldfish apparently and since the fish were purchased while the couple lived together they were considered community property. I guess as long as you buy a pet together Texas law doesn’t really care what you do to them afterwards. I get why she wasn’t arrested for stealing the fish because of the whole community property laws but what about animal cruelty? She killed the fish! And then she ate them! That’s not normal behavior you do with your pets. I get that they were fish but they were their pets! They named them and cared for them by feeding and cleaning their tank. She gets mad one day and then decides they’re dinner? What the hell is wrong with people?

The police said if the man wants to pursue the issue then it would be a civil case which he would obviously win since she flat out admitted to eating the fish and the police found some of them fried in her kitchen. I love how she even sat down at her table with a plate and dinnerware to eat the fish.

Because she’s dignified like that.