(I know I missed my Moronic Monday post this week but I’ve been painting and trying to find homes for all our belongings in the house as we officially moved in. I already have a story lined up for next Monday though, so forgive me for this week!)
Have you ever had an urge to warm up some water and then stick the spout of your tea pot up your nose? Yeah, me neither. Apparently people actually do this with a special nose pot thing that they call a Neti Pot. It’s this small little tea pot look-a-like that you put water and table salt (seriously?) into then literally pour up your nose. It’s supposed to clean out your nostrils of basically everything according to the site but to me it just sounds like a fast way to get that horrible water up the nose feeling, and no one likes that. I mean you might as well tip your head back in the shower since you’ll end up with same feeling. It also seems like the messiest way to clean out your nose I’ve ever heard of.
The instructions say to just casually stand over your sink with your head tipped slightly back and pour the whole damn pot up there for EACH nostril. All I picture is water going all over the place including down your shirt. Haven’t they heard of nose spray or a tissue? They also claim it will feel good as you do it and I think they’re completely insane. Never in my life would pouring water directly into my nose feel like a good time. It’s also dishwasher safe because we all want things we stick up our nose mingling with our dinnerware. Next we’ll have washable q-tips and will toss those into the basket with our silverware. The dinner guests will just be oh so thrilled with that. They even make sure to have the picture model grinning like an idiot while she uses this weird little object.
Apparently you’re not only supposed to enjoy how it feels but be absolutely thrilled with the process. You don’t look totally strange at all doing this. It’s completely normal. Right. If I ever saw someone actually using a Neti pot I would think they took or drank too much of something and should seek professional help. I would be calling 911 telling them that my friend made tea for her nose and is now pouring it into her head so send the paramedics and probably a lot of towels. Isn’t it great that they included the water coming out of the other nostril as well? Wonderful picture design. It’s even scarier that someone was probably paid to make it.
I’m sort of lost on the point of this thing though. It says not to use it if your nose is stuffy, but when else would you need to remove mucus from your nose? When you’re not stuffy most people don’t even think about their nose never mind ways to give it a bath. It also makes sure to tell you to breathe through your mouth when using it as if there were any other option and people were actually confused. Is this really an issue for people? If it is then I’m horrified for our world’s future. The site also boasts it’s a great holiday gift and I feel the need to say no, this is a HORRIBLE gift. No one wants one of these things especially as a Christmas gift. Imagine that moment by the tree, “Here’s a thing to drain your nose. Merry Christmas!” This is a perfect example of a gift that you force gratitude through and then immediately think of ways to get rid of it. Toss it in the closet, re-gift, or just flat out throw it away. As my grandmother has always done, in my house it would ‘meet an unfortunate accident’ and be gone. Then the following year I would return the favor and give that person an ear irrigator. So they can feel the same pain.
I showed this to my hubby earlier tonight and his instant reaction was, “what the fuck?!” He then went on a little rant about how freaky it was that she was smiling so much and then he moved into the ‘I’m a little tea pot’ song and mixed the Neti pot into it. I would share it but I missed the words because I was laughing so hard at his reaction.
Next time your nose feels neglected warm up some water and table salt in a tea pot and have at it. It’s the fast track to the crazy house as anyone that sees you will be completely convinced you’ve lost your mind. Whoever invented this clearly lost theirs.