Me: “Um, Hun? Something’s wrong with the shredder.”
Husband: (From the other room) “Oh god. What?”
Me: “It won’t do anything. It won’t even go in reverse.”
Husband: Sighs “What did you do?”
Me: “Nothing! I just put the paper in and it stopped halfway through. It’s supposed to be able to shred paper. That’s why they named it a paper shredder.”
He messed with it for a several minutes before dropping it into the garbage.
Husband: “Well, you killed it. Good job.”
Me: “It’s not my fault it couldn’t handle its own job.”
Husband: “You always manage to kill electronics no matter what it is.”
Me: “I don’t kill them. They just break.”
Husband: “Ok, how about the TV a couple months ago? Or the fact that we’ve gone through 3 DVD players in the last year. I won’t even get started on you and computers.”
Me: “The TV just died and I’m pretty sure it was natural causes. The DVD player thing was just a fluke.”
Husband: Laughs “I see you conveniently left out the computers part.”
Me: “Well, technically only one died the rest just went all crazy and I didn’t kill it. It killed itself. I didn’t fry it from the inside out; it did that all on its own!”
I don’t admit it all that often but electronics do tend to mysteriously die/kill themselves around me a lot more often then it seems to happen to other people. I really don’t do stupid things with them, it just happens naturally which is probably even worse. That computer really did fry from the inside out but I wasn’t even touching it. I was actually on the other side of the room when it started growling at me and then it sounded like it was trying to be a helicopter wanting to take off. Seconds later it was dead silent and never functioned again. Not my fault. He gets really nervous when I use his laptop. It sometimes just gives up on me for no reason or flat out refuses to acknowledge I opened it at all. It works perfectly fine for him though. He frequently tells me to just stay away from it claiming it’s innocent and doesn’t deserve to die yet. Whatever. As for the DVD player thing, I have no idea what happened. They died one right after another and before we knew it we had to go buy a new one. I like to think it was just a coincidence that two of the three died when I was the only one home. Our current one is doing just fine though and I use it pretty often, so there.
My husband thought I killed his brand new cell phone last week and I still swear I was totally innocent. He had bought it that day and it had been perfectly fine with him at work. When he got home he handed it to me to look at/play with. It wasn’t in my hand more then a few seconds before it went to a striped blue screen. I hadn’t even touched a single button yet! I made a face at what it was doing and he instantly started to worry. He was like, “What? What did you do?!” I think it just got too excited like when some puppies make a little piddle when they meet someone new. It was totally fine after he shut it off and turned it back on again. He didn’t let me near it for the rest of the night though.
I couldn’t live without most of today’s technology, especially computers but it’s like I was never meant to use them. My family always joked that I kill all things electronic but my hubby never believed it until we started living together. Now he’s just as convinced as they are that they drop like flies around me. Sometimes he says he wishes he could just keep me away from all the electronics in the house plus the knives and stove since I wasn’t meant to be in the kitchen either. Thankfully I’ve never killed a microwave despite it being the kitchen appliance I use the most. We’re getting a brand new washer/dryer set when we move into the house so let’s all hope they don’t die on me too. If they do, my husband just might take me back to the Stone Age because I can’t do much damage there. Actually, I probably could still manage. I can even picture it, “What the hell?! You broke the cave!”
It’s amazing I can even type this without some catastrophic computer malfunction.